A REINTRODUCTION
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| Written by Lexus Bradbury |
Hey guys, and welcome to my new page. I'm fairly new to Bluesky, so I thought I'd drop a blog and introduce myself a bit.
My name is Lexus Bradbury, everyone calls me Lexy. I used to be a badass Transsexual model, fearless in my approach to stigma. I still am to a degree, but a lots changed since my coming out as a woman.
The aim really is to tell you a bit about myself, how I came to be, and what I'm doing here. The best place for me to start, is at the beginning, and then work my way forward.
My beginning starts in 1984, born in the North of England as a biological male. My Father split when I was five, and my Mum ended up with an alcoholic lesbian. They were abusive to each other, and to me. It was every kind of abusive you can imagine. Maybe in later blogs, I'll really open up about it. But for now, let's just say it was horrendous.
While all of this was going on, I was dealing with conflicting feelings about my gender identity. I didn't think I could ever live as a woman. I didn't think it was possible, until, I saw my first ever Transsexual on the television. She was beautiful, I couldn't take my eyes off her. Eighties kids will remember the TV show Eurotrash. It covered the weird and wonderful world of sex throughout Europe. My Mum being with a woman, meant that we consumed any LGBT television available to us. There was no internet, so sources were short in supply. Seeing this beautiful transsexual, frolicking for the camera in a yellow bikini, had me captivated. My parents sat ogling her, saying she was a bitch for being so beautiful. I felt like maybe my parents would notice me watching her, so I left the room quietly, and headed to my bedroom to process what I'd just seen. From that moment on, I knew it WAS possible.
School quickly went out the window. All I wanted to do was become a Transsexual model. Boring lessons from dreary teachers, faded into the background as I dreamed of all the possibilities. School offered me absolutely nothing for where I wanted to go. Teachers putting pressure on me telling me how bright I was, warning me, if I didn't do the work, I would fall short of my dreams.
Turns out my education would have to take the backseat anyway, as I found myself homeless at fourteen years old. Not something I'd recommend for any child, and this certainly put a final nail in my education. My Mums girlfriend had become unbearable, and the atmosphere in the house was deeply unpleasant.
My Mums girlfriend had disguised herself as the big saviour to me and my Mum, from my Father. He was a piece of shit. My last memory of him as a child, was him pulling a gun on me at five years old. It was almost impossible to be worse than him. Yet somehow, my Mums girlfriend achieved it.
She abused my Mum mainly, and my Mum abused me. My Mum was my first ever bully. My Mum was never a big drinker, but boy was her girlfriend. As a side effect, my Mum found herself constantly drinking to keep up with her. They were destroying themselves with drink, and destroying me and my childhood. It was hard enough dealing with the trans thing, but constantly dealing with their crap, was something no child should ever have to go through.
I thought it was over on two occasions, but both times, my Mum took the piece of shit back. One of the times, she beat the shit out of my Mum. She knocked her about numerous times, but this particular night, the police had to come because she went a bit too far. The other occasion, was when my Mum came in my room and caught her in my bed. She came in pissed out of her head, asking did I masturbate. I didn't have a clue what she was on about, or what was really happening. My Mum came in and caught her. She told her to get out of my bed, but her partner refused, insisting she wasn't doing anything. I won't go into detail on this, but she was doing something alright. My Mum dragged her out by her hair, and then beat her arse behind my bedroom door. I felt relieved really, the screwed up part came years later. I thought YES !! She can't possibly stay with her after that. She did though. Not only taking her back, actually begging her girlfriend not to go. Of course, her girlfriend had zero intentions of leaving. It was all manipulation.
Anyway, I found myself out on the streets at fourteen. It's a long story why, for another time. But let me tell you this. At this point, I had never been in trouble with the police. I had never done drugs, never smoked, and I was a straight A to C student. This was despite constantly missing school. Sometimes, my Mum would go too far with a kicking, and keep me off school to hide the bruises. My attendance was often around the 70% mark.
How had such a good kid found themselves homeless ? I will never know.
I'm telling you this because of the Adult Baby stuff, otherwise, I wouldn't be discussing it.
My Mum eventually died in 2008 of a stroke. She was forty-four, only two years older than I am now. It sent my life into a tailspin, that took me over a decade to recover from. I hit the bottle pretty bad, and the drugs, and became just like they were.
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| My first professional photoshoot |
What I didn't know, was I was living with three undiagnosed disorders. Borderline Personality Disorder. Complex, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. And finally, Dissociative Identity Disorder. I got the diagnosis in 2018, a mere month after I watched the love of my life walk out the door.
I was never really the same after that. I began experiencing symptoms like psychosis, the wheels were coming off in a big way. It must have been hard for my partner, I didn't really know much of what was going on. She had to sit there and watch the strongest person she knew, someone she loved very much, go down the toilet.
Anyway ... Now, all the fire and drive, had left me. I no longer cared about my career, or my wellbeing. I was ready to die. I got myself a small one bedroom flat, and the plan was to overdose. I did, lots and lots of times. Each time taking a bit more. My home was littered with all kinds of prescription medication.
Olanzapine, Fluoxetine, Benzodiazepine, Quetiapine, you name it, I had it in abundance. I was drinking heavily on it. I remember waking up one day about 6pm, and discovering I'd taken two boxes of Valium. I was ready to die. Nobody was listening to me.
I'd told people for a good couple of years that I was burned out and not feeling myself. Nobody really took me serious in what I was saying. To this day, people still don't take me seriously. It's like, because I can articulate myself well, I don't have three lifelong disorders. I was absolutely rock bottom. All my socials had been deleted. My X page had 20,000 followers. And just like that, I deleted it and walked away.
Then, a terrible thing happened, that turned out to be a really positive thing. I was attacked by one of my neighbours. A girl who lived directly above me. She was also in a pretty bad place in her life, causing the neighbourhood all kinds of ag. Terrorising old ladies, and treating the block like she was in Ibiza.
She must have had a bit too much drink one night, and decided to pay me a visit in the early hours of the morning. She entered my property and began assaulting me. I could have dealt with her if I wanted to, but I had all sorts running through my head while the assault was going on. Stuff like, who knows she's here, and that she walked in. If I give her a dig, and she comes out, saying the weirdo pervert trans person has pulled her in, what then ? So I sort of just had to stand there, and be assaulted.
Cops came and arrested her, then bailed her back with conditions. She began breaching them within days, targeting me, and making my life hell. Had she have knocked on the next day, and just said look, I had way too much to drink, I'm sorry, it would have been over. But she doubled down. Tried to make herself the victim. Began going through men like matches, trying to find the one brave enough to kill me for her. I sit here on the evidence. Recordings and videos. Do the police care ? Do they fuck.
Night after night, a flat full of men directly above me upstairs, obsessing about me and plotting my murder.
It does something to you hearing the plans for your own demise. But hearing them laugh at me, and make fun of me for being trans, was the turning point for me. I'd moved back to the ghetto after my break down. I dressed in scruffy clothes, and didn't do my makeup etc. I just wanted to fit in, so I never even told anyone I was a model. Now I hear a load of scroats laughing at me like I'm nothing. No chance. It woke me up. I vowed to get out of there as soon as possible, and then reignite my career.
I checked myself into the hospital one final time. I'd been put under immense pressure by my attacker and her little toy soldiers. All while building the case file I have on her, and hearing them plotting my stabbing, it sent my head west.
As I lay in that hospital bed, sweating out the most recent codeine overdose, I asked myself what I wanted to be when I got out. The answer was myself.
I'd seen models doing ABDL content for some time, and wondered if it was something I should dip into. The problem was though, I didn't want to just create some ABDL content, I was craving a full regression.
When I came out as a Transsexual, I only half came out really. There was a lot more going on than feeling born with the wrong biology for my brain. A side effect of my disorders, is a ridiculously high level of emotional intelligence. It became so much, that it began to feel like a burden for me. I sat back quietly, for years and years, simply observing life, and the more I looked, the less sense the world made for me.
Wars, politics, religious bullshit. The way people act every black friday, fighting over the last Yamaho television. The self entitlement during covid, panic buying toilet rolls to the point nobody could buy any.
I look at the floor, and see all the litter just thrown everywhere. I see the way we treat animals, when they depend on us for help. Who are these people ? Do they even deserve a God ? Would you answer the phone to them ?
It occurred to me, that growing up is a myth for most people. I however, had grown up, and way too soon in my life. When we are teaching the future generations of children, let's start being real with them. Let us instead teach them, that only some of them will grow up. While the rest, will be self entitled, over opinionated, pieces of shit. Because that's exactly what I see when I look around.
Take the gender debate for example. Footballers even chipping in on the debate of what a woman is. I see a society desperate for an opinion on absolutely everything. Then you get the paper thin bullshit excuse of "Everyone's entitled to an opinion". Let's call it for what it is, and let's modify it a bit. How about just "Everyone's entitled".
I'll dismantle the gender debate in a later blog, I promise to do that, easily. But it's a prime example of people and their little opinions. Personally, I'm wise enough to know myself. Knowledge of self is so important. And yet, I see so many walking around blind, helpless, and vulnerable, because they simply do not know themselves.
I don't have an opinion on wars ... because, I wasn't there. I'm wise enough, to stick to my strengths.
So let's now look at my decision to opt for a full time regression. If I want to play with toys when I wake up, and build something out of Lego, I'll do it. If I want to paint a picture, I'll do it. If I want to watch cartoons and forget the outside world, I'll do it. The reality is, I chose to grow down, because the world refused to grow up.
I've been met with lots of opinions since doing so, surprise, surprise. Very sick people, branding me a predator, and a danger to children. So hang on, let me get this right. Me, an abuse survivor, is the problem ? We've all seen the live predator stings. Something they always say to the predator when they're confronting them.
"You don't realise the damage you're doing. That child will grow up and have mental health problems for the rest of their lives."
Well here I fucking am. And instead of showing me empathy, love and understanding. Your attitude, is to brand me the very thing, that fucked my head up in the first place ? Okay ...
Another laughable thing, is growing up, abused by lesbians. And then being told by lesbians, that because I'm trans, I'm a danger to them.
Do you honestly think, if I had something to hide, I'd be on the front line like I am, drawing attention to myself as an ABDL ? I sit here, with zero criminal record, and openly welcome any authority to come and look through my devices. My instagram has 0% view rate, from people aged 13-17, because I set the setting to appear only to 18+.
I.AM.AN.ABUSE.SURVIVOR ... And ABDL, is me surviving. After being taught for over a decade to hate myself, by two vile lesbians, I have finally learned to love myself. I have finally found a way to love myself. I'm not ashamed, and YOU can't make me.
Am I strange ? To the outside world, which I've already established as pretty strange themselves, then yeah sure, I'll wear that hat. But of course I'm strange. I'm a coloured pencil, stood bang in the middle of a load of grey pencils. They are bound to look at me and find me strange. How is that an issue ?
The bottom line is, society made me. The authorities had several chances to end my abuse, and failed me every time. Now I'm left with the symptoms, I'm the problem. Got Ya !!
So that's a bit about me. I hope you enjoyed the read. I helped the trans community a lot back in the day. I'm fearless when it comes to opinions and stigma, because I genuinely, couldn't care less, what people full of their own issues, think of me.
Next week, I'll drop a blog explaining why I went public with my regression, and how I intend to help the ABDL community. And I'll also be opening up about my ABDL experience, and what it's like to live as a little full time.
Thanks for your time. And I'll see you next Friday with another BRAND NEW blog.
Until then, if you want to follow me on social, all my links are below.
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/djscratchbaby/
Instagram Retro Content Page (Pre Regression) - https://www.instagram.com/tslexusbradbury/
Twitter / X - https://x.com/TSLexusBradbury
See You Next Week
But For Now
Goo Goo Ga Ga
🍼🧸🎀👸
XXXXXXXX
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